cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
