Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
