your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize