all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
