Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
