Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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