Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
