I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
