He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
