Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
