ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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