Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
