In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had sex on a roof
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
