I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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