did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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