He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
