This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
