today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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