Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
