Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
