My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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