Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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