I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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