i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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