I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
