$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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