Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
