Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
