I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
