Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
