Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
