we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
