Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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