Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
