dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
