I hate all girls vehemently.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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