Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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