i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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