he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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