One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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