Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
