First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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