Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
