im drinking this country out of the recession.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
