i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
