he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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