Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
