Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
