He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
