That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
