your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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