as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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