Someone shit on the floor
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
