The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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