Porn is love you can see.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize