I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
