I hate all girls vehemently.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
