worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
