fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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