ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
