ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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