She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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