We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
