Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
