the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...