So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
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hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.