some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there