im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dating After Heartbreak
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.